please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
