ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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