Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
