Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
