Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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