I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
