Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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