i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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