Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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