im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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