this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
