He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
