glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
