so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
