i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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