next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
