Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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