it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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