I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
