just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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