I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
