I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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