I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
