You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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