kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize