Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
