My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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