so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
