Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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