I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
