I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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