i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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