i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
