a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
