put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
