I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
