In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
