Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
