what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
