So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
