i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
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I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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