Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
