Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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