Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
