Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
