We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
