My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
