I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize