Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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