Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
