dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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