well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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