I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
