i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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