Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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