I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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