Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
this hospital has no fireball
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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