I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
