I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
