Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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