Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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