Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
