I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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