I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They have beer where we have blood.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
