Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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