The maid of honor just puked.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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