I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
