i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
