I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
