She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize