I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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