Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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